We start life curious.
Babies are into everything. They explore, touch, taste, put things in their mouth, constantly trying to make sense of the world around them. We encourage it and celebrate it.
As we grow older, many people still describe themselves as loving learning, being like a sponge, soaking up information and new experiences.
Somewhere along the way though, that curiosity can fade. Perhaps not disappear completely, but become a little quieter.
Curiosity sounds simple, yet in practice it is often the first thing to disappear in teams.
In the blog I wrote last week I mentioned how I am noticing the word curiosity more and catching myself in moments where I need to stay curious.
Most people do not start their day intending to make assumptions or jump to conclusions. Yet in teams, that is exactly what can happen, especially when pressure builds. Deadlines get tighter, expectations increase, something does not go to plan, and before we know it, we are reacting rather than thinking.
In those moments, curiosity is rarely the first response.
Judgement is.
We make quick calls based on what we can see in front of us. It feels efficient and, in the moment, often justified. The challenge is that it rarely leads to better understanding or better outcomes.
A fellow coach and friend, Bryn, introduced me to a model that helps explain this pattern, the Karpman Drama Triangle. I had heard of it before, but had not actively used it in workshops.
When things feel off or under pressure, it is easy for any of us to slip into familiar roles: Victim, Villain or Hero.
The Hero, steps in quickly to fix things, often before being asked.
We might find ourselves being the Victim, feeling stuck, overwhelmed or ‘done to’ by the situation.
Or we might shift into Villain, focusing on what others are doing wrong, judging or blaming.
None of these responses are driven by curiosity. They are driven by reaction often keep teams stuck in the very patterns they are trying to move beyond.
This is why curiosity is not just a nice mindset or a good intention. It is something that needs to be actively supported and practised within teams.
Rather than staying in the Drama Triangle, we explore a more Empowered way of showing up, the Empowerment Triangle.
Moving from:
Hero ➡️Coach
Victim ➡️Co-creator
Villain ➡️ Productive Challenger
This is where CliftonStrengths becomes incredibly practical.
When teams understand how each person thinks, feels and operates, they have more context to draw on in those moments. Instead of reacting to behaviour at face value, they can pause and consider what might actually be going on.
The same talent can show up very differently depending on how it is being used. We might think of this as helping or hindering.
Take Communication, for example. When it is not used as a strength, it can show up as talking about people rather than to them, filling in gaps with assumptions or even slipping into gossip. When used well, that same strength can ask better questions, open up conversations and help others think more clearly.
Harmony is another one I see often. It can show up as avoiding the real issue, staying quiet or even becoming passive-aggressive when something is not sitting right. At its best, Harmony helps people find common ground and move forward together as co-creators.
With Command, it can feel intimidating or overly forceful, where others experience it as being told rather than involved. Used well, that same strength becomes a productive challenger, bringing clarity, direction and the courage to say what needs to be said.
Responsibility can also shift. It can sound like “I have too much on, I can’t take anything else,” and lead to feeling overwhelmed or victim like. At its best, it moves into coaching others or co-creating solutions so that ownership is shared more effectively.
Restorative is a great example too. It can move quickly into hero mode, jumping in to fix everything. Used well, especially when paired with something like Developer, it becomes about working alongside others to solve problems and build capability for the future.
The strengths have not changed. The awareness has and the choice of how to use them has.
That is where curiosity plays such an important role.
In those moments, some simple questions can help shift the response:
- What might be driving this behaviour?
- Which strengths could be showing up here, and are they helping or hindering?
- What might this person need right now to do their best work?
- How might my own approach be impacting what I am seeing?
That pause is small yet can be really powerful. It creates space between the initial reaction and a more considered response. It allows people to stay in the conversation a little longer, rather than shutting it down or escalating it.
High-performing teams still experience pressure, disagreement and frustration. The difference is in how they respond when those moments arise.
That is where the real work happens.
Not in the calm, easy moments (how many of those really happen?) but in the moments where something has been triggered and there is a choice to be made.
Curiosity is not always easy in those situations. It is a deliberate choice.
One that becomes more available the more we understand ourselves and each other, and the more we practise returning to it.
